Morbius (2022)
PG-13 ‧ Action Adventure Drama ‧ 1 hour 44 minutes
Written by Matt Sazama Burk Sharpless
Directed by Daniel Espinosa
THE CAST
Jared Leto, Adria Arjona, Matt Smith
THE STORY
(In their own words) Biochemist Michael Morbius tries to cure himself of a rare blood disease, but when his experiment goes wrong, he inadvertently infects himself with a form of vampirism instead.
THE REVIEW
The problem with Morbius isn’t so much that it’s bad, it is, it is definitely bad, but that I never cared about any of the characters to have feelings about the story.
Morbius is Sony Pictures latest botched use of a Marvel character. Morbius is sort of a vampire, in that he sucks blood, but mostly his powers are the likes of a bat. He doesn’t appear to have lost his soul or be allergic to garlic or anything. Morbius is one of the characters Marvel sold the license to Sony while needing cash. At least Sony is consistent in the botching of characters, so you aren’t really surprised at this really, really bad origin story.
The film starts off with two beginnings because they don’t even know how to really start the film. In its second first scene we see Morbius meet his friend Milo when Milo joins the treatment wing he is in. They both suffer from some rare blood disease requiring several transfusions a day. This scene lasts, maybe 5 or 6 minutes, which appear to be unimportant, but really are. In so that throughout the rest of the film they keep speaking of their lifelong friendship and how important of a friendship it is…but they never really showed that, they didn’t show us an important friendship being built. It was just such a weak opening that it set the weak foundation for the rest of the film.
The film isn’t unbearable to watch, but it is a great lesson in bad storytelling, bad dialogue, bad cinematography, and mediocre acting. If they hadn’t cast Jared Leto the film should have gone straight to on demand.
And the film doesn’t even end with any sense of fulfillment of the story they tried to tell, just an obvious set up for sequels.
This film also included the possibly worst post credit scenes done. There’s two of them. If you get through the film you might as well stay for both.
I could get more into details about why this film is so bad, but honestly I feel like I wasted so much time already with this film, I want my life to move on. This film doesn’t deserve a critics review, it deserves a roast.
THE BEST
Three BEST things about the film
- Special Effects
- It felt short.
- All the lines were clearly heard over the sound.
THE WORST
The three WORST things about the Film
- Had no interest in characters.
- Dumb choices after another. Which is bad writing.
- There is just no sense to most of it. Even fantasy worlds have rules to follow.
THE LESSON
Don’t experiment on yourself.
THE FINAL WORD
It took a while, but Sony has finally released a film to make Hulk not the worst superhero film ever made. Thank goodness this isn’t part of the MCU.
THE VERDICT
My 3L system gives me the choice to Love It, Like It, or Lose It.
Morbius gets a Lose It.
THE TRAILER
THE REVIEWER
ABOUT SILAS
When he’s not reviewing films or interviewing people for the Black & A Half podcast, Silas Lindenstein can be found in the greater metro Seattle, WA working as a real estate agent helping people buy and sell homes, or performing stand up comedy to fellow nerds. He has a wife and three children and desperately wants to learn to make the perfect homemade pizza.
